Where I Rest - Sleep Now My Darling

 Cannot undo what is behind me
Cannot slow the turning wheel
the patterns seen from above are always easy to guess
false hope in abundance, resting in the eye of the storm
where can I hold some peace, if not in my home or soul
I take refuge in the only place I know
and there I am alone

It all rushes by, as I sit and watch
Last time I was in, I became so lost
I could give no solace
For me it trails somewhere else
And where I rest is in the ice

We bring each other, why we are unsure
We want to lay blame, try to explain
All the reasons, we knew so well
That vanished with the passing day
And brings on the night, crushing on us
With everything we cannot say

It all rushes by, as I sit and watch
Last time I was in, I became so lost
I could give no solace
For me it trails somewhere else
And where I rest is in the ice

sleep now my darling
lying beside me tonight
you always wanted
me to set you free
now you are and never looked so lovely
no more pain for my love, no more
no more waiting for it all to be done
sleep now my angel
lying beside me tonight

Lights Out

Will I feel the pain
when my body goes
will I feel at peace
no one seems to know
I have to say either way
it just doesn't matter
I could speculate and be afraid
in the end
and maybe when the lights go out
It'll be forever
no waking up
from a dream
no more lingering
perhaps I'll close my eyes
and sleep forever
Thought I had more time
it snuck up on me
one final thought
will I be relieved
I'm scared and I'm hanging on
will I be free
when I'm finally gone
what will I become
I have to say either way
it just doesn't matter
I could speculate and be afraid
in the end
and maybe when the lights go out
It'll be forever
no waking up
from a dream
no more lingering
perhaps I'll close my eyes
and sleep forever

Recluse

 I feel crazy living ‘round here
Maybe I’d be sane if I disappear
Desperate to let go as I grasp all I know
Fall into the well of endless uncertainty
I’m keeping out of site
I’m turning out the light
Don’t care what’s going on
Don’t care if I belong
After all the times I turned away
Can’t bring myself to come out and play
Every day is blurring into another
Why can’t I move from this spot
This is not how I imagined
My life would be
A recluse from society
No matter how I regret it
Nothing ever changes me
I’m keeping out of site
I’m turning out the light
Don’t care what’s going on
Don’t care if I belong

I Heard Between

 I open my eyes
And stumble from my sleep
To see what’s in front of me
How do I fight the unseen

I heard between the walls
Opinions don’t exist at all
And from these heights
We all must fall
In a time we can’t agree
How can we be free
If the best in man
Is a casualty

We gave our power away
A long time ago
It hard to see what’s real
Behind the shadow
Can we hope for
Not to die in another war
That we have fought before

I open my eyes
And stumble from my sleep
To see what’s in front of me
How do I fight the unseen

Never Be the Same Again

 Are you my friend
am I someone you would forget
even if you regret
it will never be the same again
I still remember
something you need to know
even if you blame me
it was you who let go
of all that we were
our perfect moment
never happened at all
and though you
look at me now
for the answers
the truth remains
you have always known
it will never be the same again
I have nothing to give
you have taken it all
though I forgive you
it is the last time I fall
if I break again
I will not mend
are you my friend
or someone to forget
for in the end
it will never be the same again

Nightmare Man

Grown Over

 Hard pack against my palm
knotted mess forgotten song
moss grown over, where none could see
and few discover
uncertain, should it be
this disaster, these ideas

i used to think it would go away
i know now, it never will
remembered when the soil was new
and my feet burned, and the weeds grew

would this dark place be here anyway
playing the same old track, buzzing in my ear
if i’m afraid to look back, i’ll live my life in fear

i used to think it would go away
i know now, it never will
remembered when the soil was new
and my feet burned, and the weeds grew

the effort to out number with flowers
is more than i can bare
they grow over, and take over
until i’m no longer there
 He greets your surrender
with a gag and I told you so
he’s so anxious to own you
he’s vibrating in his shoes
he seemed harmless
just another man
until it was too late to run
you wish your only problem
was breaking away
the surprise that you saw coming
is that you’d rather stay
I must keep up the charade
for if he knew he may not want me

Nightmare Man you’re my favorite Halloween
you’re not a good dream
but you’re my ticket out of here
through these doors of fear

we continue this game of cat and mouse
I feel him closer ready to pounce
although I show him I am scared
it is him who is ensnared
Nightmare Man you’re my favorite Halloween
oh, Nightmare Man you’re not a good dream
promise you’ll never
set me free

Waiting

Illusion of Mistake

 Thoughts of freedom won’t heal anything
ignoring the wounds just as before
looking for meaning
but the fight is over
and life passes you by
passes you by

we can look for the threat
that hides behind your eyes
in this life boat we’ve mistaken
for a home

the plan is transparent
but who would know
we’ve been wearing blinders
for so long

one day we won’t remember
the sight of blue skies
while we ache with desire
of our fire

when its odd enough to mention
we’ll embrace the surreal
sort out what is worthy
imagine what will be revealed
for our bones will be waiting
for a rescue that’ll never come
time to take a stand now
to save ourselves

we can’t continue sleeping
while others steal our dreams
this isn’t time for waiting
when our world is unraveling
 My ears of full, unkind words
and my mind starts to believe
as I begin to rise to the occasion
I look for relief but I’m blind to it
again I lose my way
again I give in
to the politics of the day
it tears my insides, prompts a reaction
as I pause the answers to not come
am I destined to repeat everything I’ve done
am I so weak I could never change the outcome
or is every mistake I make just an illusion
I shield myself but every time I find
the space I’ve taken is just enough to hold me down
it’s not superstition that holds me
I have the power to stay or stray
am I so weak I could never change the outcome
or is every mistake I make just an illusion

A Dangerous Place

She runs about before she gets her morning shock

and while we try to fit the puzzle together
our pieces have become lost
the girl who won’t eat can’t escape her invisible cage
though her cuts remind her she can still feel

Many of us escape inside our music and nicotine
but the night time is the hardest
because we didn’t get very far

I try to reconcile the damage I’ve done
but when they ask us to recall in our drug induced stupor
I wonder how far I’ll have to fall
to prove that I am able

Many of us escape inside our music and nicotine
but the night time is the hardest
because we didn’t get very far
No we didn’t get very far

So I’ll do whatever it takes
to get out of this place


Bitter

I used to be optimistic
I used to have all the hope in the world
that’s all changed

Little girl don’t cry about
mean things that they say
little girl don’t worry about
things you cannot change

One day it won’t matter
that’s what you tell yourself
better off without them
don’t need their help

As the years push you around
your sweetness may turn bitter

They step on
and you say you don’t care
until they step over you
as if you weren’t there

It’s hard to love and be tough
in this rotten world
especially when you're a scared
and lonely little girl

So you hide away with you love
and learn how to live
all you want is some peace
and try to forgive

I Have a Plan

I have a plan
famous last words
as he drives
he’s heading towards something
anything at all
walking down the stairs
he hums goodbye
he’s heading for something
and I fear
it’s anywhere but here
it’ll will be all right
that’s what he always says
before he turns out the light
each time he walks away
emptiness takes his place
and it will never change
sometimes I wonder
where you might be
it’s so cruel
my imagining
I drift into no where
wish it all away
it blows through like a breeze
I knew this feeling could never be tamed
as I watch the rest fall away
it’ll will be all right
that’s what he always says
before he turns out the light
and when it’s dark I wake up and see
why it can’t be like this

Content

I had a dream
you were here in this fable
the lies you’d hide and sell
underneath the table
I will forget
and open that door again
and who I thought I knew
is not that person anymore
Better not to know
better to forget
once you uncover
you may discover
you were content
I let it lie
and become satisfied
with my image old and tattered
it’s the memory that matters
It’s been too long
getting past the pain
to pick it up and become
entangled once again

Trouble

I’m in trouble if I become to certain
certainty leads me to a closed mind
There’s going be rough weather ahead
when I convince myself that I’m always right
I’m reminded sometimes not so gently
when I’m speaking much more than I should be
I lash out in fear until the lesson guides me
and I’m quiet enough to hear
arrogance is a trap I often fall into
my pride will keep me there
my ego won’t let me move
until I don’t have anything to prove

Circular Life

I don’t venture far from the usual places
I’ve come too familiar with these spaces
I’ve forgotten how to reach out further
I don’t remember when I’ve last bothered
to broaden these horizons from a barricaded view
circular life
circular living
reach around the same old bend
I know what’s coming around the corner
it’s becoming harder to feel something
there’s a force pressing in, not allowing me to begin
looking out at something new, I begin wondering

Facade

I often wonder if you feel like you look
I wonder if I could read you like a book
I doubt that’s what’s truly going on
I don’t think it’s the way you’re letting on
I know you doubt every step you take
I know you’re unsure of everything
wish you were fearless but that’s what you have to do
so they’ll leave you alone
rather bypass their judgment and ridicule
been down that road before and I know you’re no one’s fool
so you wear your mask and protect what is yours
for they have their own masks to wear and secrets to endure

Anchor

She’s drifting out to sea
hang on or you’ll go under
her depths they run so deep
her direction keeps you wondering
why is she unyielding
why can’t you be her anchor
the mind in her is fierce
doesn’t she know
all you would do for her
you’d sail the ends of the Earth
but you won’t find her there
you won’t find her
you feel that you have failed
looking to the empty sky
that shows no sign of sails
all you can do is light the fire
and hope it will lead her home
though you know that she is gone
yet you wait for her and burn

Borrowed

Nothing is what it seems
still I’m attached to everything
my weakness, my Achilles heel
whether aversion or love I feel
I keep holding on, I hold on
I keep collecting although I know
I’m not bringing anything where I’m going
I keep forgetting it’s all borrowed
everything I think I own
even my life will be given back
given back when I am done
maybe it’s the temporary situation
makes me cling to every little thing
this solid state doesn’t mix
with my ephemeral fate
although I’m just along for the ride
I can’t help but wonder why
I wonder why
I keep forgetting it’s all borrowed
everything I think I own
even my life will be given back
given back when I am done
I often hear knowledge brings us power
I can’t see a trace of that at all
as my life is slipping by the hour
I can’t find comfort as I fall
so many ways I try to find
meaning behind what doesn’t exist
so many ways I try to hide
behind the fear of what I missed
I keep forgetting it’s all borrowed
everything I think I own
even my life will be given back
given back when I am done